As You Like It
by Zhailei
Summary: Stars Hollow is holding a talent show. What could possibly go wrong? Takes place mid season two. Luke/Lorelai, Jess/Rory.
1. Act One: Stage Fright

Lorelai edged her way past the crowd in the middle of the diner, ignoring the few disgruntled shouts that came her way. When she finally managed to get more than a foot past the doorway, she stopped, and turned to Rory.

"What the hell is going on here?" she asked.

Rory shrugged. "There's a crowd."

"Wonderful deductive skills. Now I know why we're paying the big bucks for Chilton."

Rory rolled her eyes. "Well, I don't know. How should I know? You don't know. So why would you automatically assume that I know something when you don't know -"

"Okay." Lorelai held up a hand to silence her daughter. "I think we're getting nowhere here. You don't know what's going on. I don't know what's going on." She looked around the diner. "And we don't have a table."

"Ooh, there's one!"

Lorelai looked over to where Rory was pointing excitedly, and frowned. "Where? I don't see it."

"Over there. Behind Miss Patty. You just have to squint a little, and kind of lean ..."

"Oh, yeah!" Lorelai smiled as she leaned across the man hovering next to her. "I see it. Let's go!"

Ignoring the shouts as they pushed past, Lorelai sank into a seat in the corner of the diner, jealously guarding the available table space. She had seen the diner crowded before, but this was verging on the ridiculous.

"So, what'll it be?" Luke was at the table almost as soon as they sat down, order pad in hand. His voice was raised slightly to make himself heard over the low din of conversation, and he already looked exhausted.

Lorelai smiled up at him. "Coffee, blueberry pancakes, and an explanation, please."

Luke glanced over at Rory, who nodded. "I'll have the same."

Luke rolled his eyes. "It's some crazy idea of Taylor's. Some show to raise funds for something or other, I don't know."

Lorelai frowned. "Show? What show?"

Rory leaned forward and nudged her. "Oh, the show! The talent show. You remember. Taylor was talking about it at the last town meeting."

Lorelai thought for a minute, then shook her head. "Nope, not ringing any bells."

Rory sighed. "The town meeting? A couple of weeks ago. They're raising money for the high school."

"Still not with you."

"Taylor started talking about school pride, and town pride, and something about using Woodbridge as cleaning products?"

"Still nothing."

"Andrew and Gypsy had that big fight?"

Lorelai shrugged.

"You had ice cream?"

"Ooh, ice cream! I remember." Lorelai smiled, and then wrinkled her brow in confusion. "I thought Taylor forgot about that already."

"Taylor, forget about a town event? And Miss Patty let an opportunity for public performance slip away?"

Lorelai rolled her eyes. "No, I suppose not." She looked up at Luke, who was still watching her and Rory, and he nodded.

"Pancakes. Coming right up."

"So, we're having a talent show?" Lorelai asked Rory, leaning forward. "And all these people are, what, protesting it?"

Rory appeared to think for a minute. "I think they're all in here planning it."

Lorelai frowned. "Like, they _want_ to participate?"

Rory shrugged. "Who knows?"

Luke came back with their coffee, and Lorelai smiled up at him. "So, what are you doing?"

"Doing?"

"For the talent show."

Luke let out a sound that Lorelai thought was almost a laugh. "Yeah. Right. I'm participating in a talent show. And next year I'll help them recreate the battle of Stars Hollow."

"Aw, come on, Luke, it'll be fun!" Lorelai's grin widened, and she glanced at Rory, who joined in.

"Yeah, come on. Talent show. What's not to love?"

Luke looked like he had quite a few answers ready, but he was interrupted by Miss Patty, who turned around behind him to face Lorelai and Rory.

"Oh good, you girls remembered about the show. You're going to be in it, then?"

Lorelai's grin froze in place as she exchanged glances with Rory. Beside her, Luke looked like he was trying very hard not to laugh.

"Um," she started. She looked to Rory for help, but none came. "Maybe. We'll see."

Miss Patty didn't seem overly satisfied with the answer, but just then Babette tapped her on the shoulder, and Lorelai breathed a sigh of relief as her attention was directed elsewhere.

"Aw, come on," Luke teased, his voice low enough that Miss Patty wouldn't overhear. "It'll be fun. What's not to love?"

"We meant for you. _You'd_ have fun." Lorelai took a sip of her coffee as Luke raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah," Rory agreed. "And we'd have fun. Watching."

"And laughing," Lorelai added.

"And pointing."

"Not on stage."

"That's right."

Luke shook his head. "There's no way I'm going to be in a talent show."

"Fine." Lorelai shrugged. "Then you can join us in the spectating."

"I'm looking forward to it." Luke shook his head. "I'll go get your pancakes."

-

"All right, so we've got the Sedtler party arriving this afternoon, so that's eleven rooms we need cleaned and made up by two at the latest, and we'll have to rearrange the dining room after ..." Lorelai trailed off as she arrived at the desk, and looked up. She had expected to see Michel, patented bored look on his face, staring at her impatiently; but there were only a couple of guests, looking at her strangely as if she had been talking to herself.

Which, of course, she had been.

Checking her watch, Lorelai glanced around the lobby of the inn. "Michel?" she called out.

"Oh, Lorelai," Michel said, coming in from one of the rooms. "I didn't hear you come in, I was just practising."

Lorelai glanced at him as she rose to the bait. "Practising?"

"Yes, practising. For the talent show. I am going to be performing an individual jazz dance."

Lorelai stood for a moment as she processed the information. Michel was flicking through the reservations book as if nothing was the matter, and he was lacking the characteristic eyebrow raise that usually told her he was joking.

"You're going to be in the Stars Hollow talent show?" she asked finally.

Michel barely glanced up. "Yes, I told you. I am -"

"Going to be performing an individual jazz dance, I got it." Michel nodded, and it took Lorelai a moment to remember what she had been doing before his announcement. "Okay, then. The Sedtlers are coming this afternoon, so -"

"We need to have the rooms ready, I'm on it."

"And have the dining room arranged."

"Of course."

Lorelai nodded. She opened her mouth to speak again, though she wasn't sure exactly what she was going to say; _really?_ was just about the only thing that came to mind. Eventually, she shut it again, and moved into the kitchen before she could change her mind.

The sight of Sookie throwing a ladle into the air, and almost catching it, didn't help settle her mood.

"Sookie?" she asked, as the sous chef behind her moved away from the falling object. "Was something wrong with the ladle?"

"What?" Sookie turned to face her, almost forcing a pot off the stove. "Oh, no. I was just trying to see if I could add a little flair to it, is all."

"Add flair to what?" Lorelai grabbed the pot of coffee as she spoke; she had a feeling it was going to be a very coffee morning.

"To my cooking, of course."

"Sookie, why do need to add flair to your cooking? You're in the kitchen. Unless we start organising tours, nobody's going to see you."

"Well, not here, but in my performance -"

Lorelai let out a breath. "What performance?"

"My talent show performance."

"You're performing in the talent show?"

Sookie smiled. "Well, yeah. I thought it'd be fun."

"You're _cooking_ in the talent show."

Sookie didn't miss a beat. "Yeah. Why not? I mean, it's my talent."

"But you can't ..." Lorelai thought for a minute, and sighed. "You know what, Sookie? I think that's a great idea. Just make sure you have a couple of fire extinguishers handy, okay?"

Sookie laughed. "Oh, you know I always do. So, what's your talent?"

Lorelai stared at her for a second. "My talent?"

"For the show."

"Oh, you know, I don't really think -"

"Lorelai, come on. You have to do something. That old bridge isn't going to fix itself."

"I thought the money was for the high school."

"Oh." Sookie waved a hand dismissively, barely missing the coffee pot. Lorelai snatched it up, refilling her mug before putting it back. "Well, it doesn't matter. The important thing is that you should do something. It'll be fun!"

Lorelai smiled, but she was still unconvinced. "Okay," she said noncommittally. "I'll think about it."

"You do that," Sookie said, turning back to the stove. "And see if you can get Luke to do something, too."

Lorelai didn't bother to answer that; if there was no way she was entering, nothing short of Taylor finally coming good on his threat to make participation in town events mandatory was going to convince Luke to do the same. Instead, she finished her coffee, mentally running through the list of things she had to make sure were done before lunchtime.

-

Rory smiled as she got off the bus, stepping onto the sidewalk as Dean got up from the bench where he had been waiting. She kissed him quickly, and took his hand as they started away from the bus stop.

"How was school?" he asked, glancing over at her.

Rory shrugged. "It was okay. I got an A on my english paper, but Paris made us spend the entire lunchtime planning the next edition of the Franklin, so I'm really hungry."

Dean laughed. "You missed lunch? You must be starving."

"Hey." Rory smacked him playfully. "I don't eat that much."

Dean shook his head, but he looked like he was trying to keep from laughing. "No, of course you don't."

"But if you wanted to come grab a burger ..."

"Can't," Dean said. "I've got to get home and pack."

Rory stopped and turned to face him. "Pack?" she asked.

"Yeah." Dean looked at her. "For my trip. I'm going out of town with my family ..."

"Oh!" Rory said. "Right. Of course. I forgot. Do you have to do it right now?"

"Pretty much," he said. "We're leaving tomorrow."

"Oh." Rory bit her lip. "So I guess that means you'll be out of town for the talent show, huh?"

"Looks like it."

"Oh." Rory stepped forward again, her hand breaking away from Dean's grip. "Okay. Well, I guess I won't see you, then."

"I guess not," Dean agreed slowly. "Well, anyway, I'd better go."

"Yeah." Rory stopped again, and forced a smile. "I guess you'd better. I'll see you when you get back?"

"Yeah, I'll see you then." Dean paused for a minute before he left, and Rory stared after him until he turned a corner. After a minute, she shook her head, rearranged the strap of her backpack, and closed the distance to Luke's.

The diner was less crowded than it had been that morning, but still far from empty. Rory looked around, smiling at Luke as she sat down at a table by the window.

"Hey, Luke," she said as he came over. "Mom's not here yet?"

Luke shook his head. "Not yet. Can I get you anything?"

"Just coffee," she replied. Luke nodded, and Rory pulled out a book as he left.

A minute later, she looked up as Jess came over.

"Coffee?"

"Thanks," she said, smiling at him.

"No problem."

"So, I guess the diner's been busy today," she offered.

He shrugged. "I guess." He looked over toward the other tables, but didn't leave.

Rory nodded. "So, are you doing anything?"

"What, you mean right now?"

"No," she said. "I mean, for the talent show. Are you going to be in it?"

He laughed. "Yeah, right. It's not really my thing."

"What, you mean like actually participating in town events?"

"Something like that."

She took a sip of her coffee. Jess was still standing beside her, and she put her book down.

"You never know," she said. "You might actually like it. I've seen you do magic, right? You could do a magic show or something."

"A magic show?" he asked. He sounded unconvinced.

"Yeah." She shrugged. "You know. Rabbits, hats, an assistant in a sparkly dress. It could be fun."

He appeared to think for a minute. "You want the job?" he asked finally.

"What?"

"The assistant in a sparkly dress. I just figured, since you sounded so excited about it, you were offering."

"Oh, no." Rory shook her head. "I can't."

"You can't?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Dean."

Jess looked at her. "Dean?"

"Yeah, Dean."

"So, what, you two are doing something together for the show?"

"Well, no," she said. "He's not going to be here."

"So, what's the problem, then?" he asked.

"He's my boyfriend."

Jess raised an eyebrow. "I know."

"So, I can't"

"Why?"

Rory paused. "Just ... because," she said finally.

"Oh," he said. "_Because._ Well, I'm totally convinced."

"I'm not trying to convince you of anything," she said.

"You're trying to convince me to do the show," he countered.

"Well, you should do the show."

"Hey, it was your idea," he reminded her. "Not mine."

He was still looking at her, and Rory matched his gaze. Eventually, she sighed. "Fine," she agreed. "I'll do it."

Jess smiled. "Great. Shall we?"

"Shall we what?"

"Go upstairs."

"Why would we go upstairs?" she asked.

"So we can practise?"

"Oh." Rory paused. Finally, she picked up her book and backpack. "Fine. Okay. Let's go upstairs."

-

"Hey. Coffee!"

Lorelai glanced at Luke as she slid onto a stool at the counter, smiling as he sighed irritably. He poured her a cup, and she picked it up gratefully.

"So that's it, is it?" he asked as she drank. "I don't get a hello any more? I just get orders?"

Lorelai grinned at him as she sat her cup on the bench. "Hello, Luke," she said, as brightly as she could manage. "May I please have some coffee?"

Luke grunted. "You have coffee. And was that really so hard?"

Lorelai shrugged. "So, where's Rory?"

"I don't know," he said. "She was in here before. I think maybe she went upstairs with Jess."

Lorelai froze, coffee cup halfway to her lips. "Rory's upstairs with Jess?"

Luke shrugged. "Yeah."

"Alone."

"Yeah." He looked up from making a fresh pot of coffee. "Why?"

She paused. "No reason," she said finally. "I'm just thought we were going to meet here, is all."

"Well, I can go get her, if you want," he offered, and Lorelai shook her head.

"No," she said. "It's okay. I'm sure she'll be down soon, anyway."

"I'm sure she will," Luke echoed.

Lorelai nodded as he went to take a couple of orders over to one of the tables. There were a million reasons why Rory could have gone upstairs with Jess, she told herself. And it was no big deal. In fact, it probably didn't even bear thinking about.

She was so intent on not thinking about Rory and Jess alone in Luke's apartment that she didn't notice Taylor until he sat down beside her.

"Lorelai," he said, too cheerfully. "I noticed you and Rory haven't yet signed up for the talent show."

Lorelai tried not to let out too heavy a sigh. Plastering a smile to her face, she turned to Taylor.

"No," she agreed. "We haven't."

"May I ask why that is?"

_And if I said no?_ "I guess we just haven't got around to it," she said instead.

"Well, how about now? If you and Rory are indeed intending to participate, I can go add your names to my list right now. It's really no problem."

Lorelai winced. Well, that was just great. She had danced around the issue, and now Taylor was mentally adding her to a list. Where the hell was Rory, anyway?

"Sure," she said finally, cringing even as she spoke. "Me and Rory. Count us in."

"Great!" Taylor smiled, and - thankfully - got up from where he sat. "Make sure you let Miss Patty know A.S.A.P. what you'll be performing, and don't forget that the show is on next Saturday -"

"Your burger," Luke interrupted, sliding a plate across the counter to Lorelai. She looked up at him in surprise, but he raised an eyebrow, and she smiled. Taylor, stopped mid-sentence, stood beside her for a moment before apparently deciding that it probably wasn't worthwhile to try and resurrect the conversation, and returning to his table. Picking up her entirely unexpected burger, Lorelai mouthed a silent thank you at Luke, who smiled in response.

Lorelai was halfway through the burger when Rory and Jess came downstairs, and she realised she'd almost forgot about them, after all. She shot Rory a questioning look, but Rory merely shrugged and sat down beside her.

"You ate without me," Rory accused.

"Hey," Lorelai protested. "I didn't order this. And besides, you were busy. With Jess. Alone. Upstairs."

Rory rolled her eyes, and picked up the burger as Lorelai sat it down. "It was nothing," she said.

"Uh huh," Lorelai said, unconvinced.

Rory finished swallowing, and shook her head. "Really, it was nothing."

"Yeah, all right," Lorelai said, getting up as Rory finished the last of the burger. "Come on. You done?"

-

"So," Lorelai said, shrugging off her jacket as Rory closed the door behind them. "Babes in Toyland? Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!?"

"Barbarella?" suggested Rory.

"Ooh! _Xanadu._"

"Really?"

"Really." Lorelai smiled. "Olivia Newton-John on roller skates. I loved this movie before you were even born."

"And if it came down to a contest between me and the movie?"

Lorelai pretended to think for a minute while Rory stuck out her tongue. "Well, Olivia Newton-John has the cute flicky hair. But I can borrow your shoes, so you win."

"Gee, thanks," Rory said, but she was smiling.

"You're completely welcome." Lorelai sat down on the couch, then looked up at Rory. "You're going to hate me," she confessed.

Rory frowned. "Why? Are you going to sing all the songs again? Because you always do."

"No," Lorelai said. "I mean, yes, but that's not why you're going to hate me."

"Well, then, why am I going to hate you?"

"Well, when I was in the diner, and you weren't there, I kind of got cornered by Taylor. And he started talking about the Talent Show, and I said that we'd sign up later -"

"So basically, you lied," Rory interjected.

"Basically, yes. But then he said that if we were going to do it, he could sign me up right then, and I was all confused, and you were gone, and so ... I kind of signed us up for the show."

Rory didn't say anything, and Lorelai tried to force a smile. "But, it's okay. Because, yes, it's dumb and everything, but everyone else seems really excited about it, so I thought maybe if we did something together - something really corny, you know, like a mother-daughter thing - it wouldn't be too bad." She paused. "I know. I was weak."

Rory shook her head. "It's not that," she said slowly. "I mean, yes, it does sound incredibly lame, but I kind of already agreed to be in the show with somebody else."

"Oh." Lorelai sat for a minute, letting the news sink in.

"Yeah. I'm really sorry. I didn't know you were going cornered like that, and I just figured you wouldn't want to do anything, and then Jess -"

"Jess?" Lorelai asked. "You're doing something with Jess?"

"Well, sort of. See, I told him that he should be more involved in town events, and there was something about a hat, and I just ... agreed." She looked at Lorelai. "I'm sorry."

"Oh, no." Lorelai shook her head. "Don't worry about it, really. I'll just get out of it. It's no problem."

"Really?" Rory asked.

"Really," Lorelai assured her. "Now. You get snacks, I'll set up the video. And there will be _lots_ of singing."

-

"I need coffee."

Luke shook his head as he poured. "Bad day?"

"Weird day," Lorelai said. "Sookie can't see anything wrong with the idea of performance cooking -"

"Performance cooking?"

"Yeah. I know. And Michel keeps practising his dance routine in the lobby, which ..."

"Not good?" Luke asked.

"People can see him in the lobby," she said, by way of explanation. "And then I had to go and tell Taylor that I'll be in the show, which is bad enough, because I really don't want to be in the show, but now Rory is doing something with Jess -"

"Jess?" Luke raised his eyebrows. "Jess is going to be in the show?"

"I know! It's like everyone in town has gone mad, but I haven't, and yet still, somehow, I got roped into this, and I don't even have Rory to back me up, and I have to tell Taylor that I can't do it, and he's going to look at me and give me a big lecture about town pride and civic responsibility, and ..." She shook her head. "I need coffee. And then I need to find Taylor."

Luke nodded. "Good luck with that."

"Yeah," Lorelai said into her coffee cup, as Luke walked away. "Thanks."

She was halfway through her coffee, and already wishing for a second, when Miss Patty approached her.

"Lorelai," she said, smiling in a way that made Lorelai's stomach clench instinctively. "Taylor told me you signed up for the show."

Lorelai put her cup down. "Yeah, about that -"

"I think it's just wonderful. And I heard that you're all alone -"

"How did you hear that?"

"- and that you still haven't picked a talent -"

"Which I really need to talk to you about."

"- which works out perfectly, because Kirk -"

"Kirk?"

"- needs someone to help with his mime -"

"Interpretive theatre," Kirk interrupted, and Lorelai turned, swivelling around in her chair to see him standing behind her.

"Interpretive theatre," Miss Patty corrected. "And since you're free -"

"Actually, Patty, I'm not free," Lorelai said, finally managing to get a word in. "It's just that, when I told Taylor I'd do the show, I thought I'd be doing it with Rory, and since she's busy, I thought maybe I could maybe just make costumes or something. I mean, there are already a lot of people in the show -"

"Oh, honey," Miss Patty said. "You have to be in the show."

"And I'm happy to include you in my performance," Kirk added.

"But -"

"No buts, honey. You need an act, and Kirk needs a partner, so -"

"Actually, I need Lorelai."

Lorelai looked up, her mouth falling open slightly as she saw Luke. Kirk scowled, and walked away.

"You need Lorelai?" Miss Patty asked.

"I need Lorelai," he repeated. His gaze met Lorelai's, and he paused for a minute. "I mean, I need her for an act. In the show."

Miss Patty looked from Luke to Lorelai, her smile returning in full force. "Well, then, that's a different story," she said smoothly. She winked at Luke, and Lorelai cringed. "You need Lorelai."

"I do." He was avoiding Lorelai's gaze, now, and Lorelai looked determinedly at her coffee cup. When Miss Patty left, she looked up, and smiled hesitantly.

"Sorry," he said, after a moment's silence. "You just kind of looked like you needed help there, and I didn't want you to have to end up doing interpretive theatre with Kirk ..."

"No," Lorelai said, nodding. "Thank you. I think if you'd come in any later, I'd be in white pace paint, miming my way out of a box."

Luke smiled, and Lorelai held his gaze for a second longer than was really comfortable. "So," she said.

"So."

"I guess we're both going to be in the show."

"Yeah, I guess so."

"I'm sorry."

Luke shook his head. "It's not your fault."

"Yeah."

"So, I guess we should come up with an act?"

"Right," she agreed. "An act. Definitely."

Luke nodded; neither of them said anything. After a minute, he opened his mouth, but shut it again as Jess stepped into the diner from the stairs.

"I should get you more coffee," he said.

"Yes," Lorelai said. "Coffee. Absolutely." Luke turned, and she shook her head. "Wait, no. Um, I should probably get home ..."

"Right," Luke agreed.

"Right." Lorelai stood up, a little uncomfortably. "But, I'll see you tomorrow, and we can come up with an act then."

"Sure. Tomorrow's good."

"Okay."

"Okay."

Lorelai laughed. "Okay," she said again, wishing she could form any other words. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow, then."

"Yeah," Luke agreed. "I'll see you tomorrow."


	2. Act Two: Theatre Sports

"Where's my blue shirt?"

Lorelai paused for a minute. When there was no answer, she sighed, and went downstairs.

She found Rory in the kitchen. "Where's my blue shirt?" she asked again.

Rory looked up from where she was rummaging on the table. "I don't know," she said.

"Sure you do. It's my shirt. My blue shirt. It has that cute little pattern, and it fits me really well."

Rory shook her head, and Lorelai watched as she went into her bedroom. "Have you seen my french book?" she asked Lorelai.

"No, I've been looking for my blue shirt."

"I can't find it."

"Me either."

"We're late."

"I know."

Just then, someone knocked on the door, and Lorelai rolled her eyes. "Can you get that?" she asked Rory.

"I can't. I have to find my book."

"And I have to find my shirt."

"I'm running late."

"I'm not dressed."

"I'll miss my bus."

Lorelai sighed again. "Fine," she said. "You keep looking for your book."

Adjusting her slip as she walked into the living room, Lorelai ran a hand through her hair and threw open the door. Luke stood on the other side, toolbox in hand.

"Hi," she said, a note of confusion in her voice.

"Hi."

He was looking at her, and after a moment, Lorelai stepped back a little to let him in. She closed the door, brushing past him as she turned back around.

"Hi," she said again. "I wasn't expecting you."

"No," Luke agreed. "I just, um ..."

They both looked up as Rory came out of the kitchen, with what Lorelai guessed was her text book clutched in her hand. She looked from Lorelai to Luke, and they both took a step back.

"Found it," Rory said. "And now I am officially very late." She grabbed her backpack, and Lorelai moved aside to let her out.

"I'll see you after school?" she asked, as Rory ran down the steps.

Rory stopped, and turned. "Yes. I mean, maybe. I'm working with Jess on the show after school, but I'll meet you at the diner afterwards."

Lorelai nodded as she left, almost bumping into Luke as she turned back around. She smiled, and stepped backwards.

"Sorry," she said. "We were kind of in a rush this morning."

"Yeah, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ... it's just, the other day you said something about your sink, so I thought I'd see if I ..."

"Oh!" Lorelai shook her head. "Yes, right. The sink. Um, it's just ..." She gestured towards the kitchen.

"Right," Luke agreed. He turned, and Lorelai followed him into the kitchen.

"It's in here," she said unnecessarily, and almost laughed.

Luke nodded, and looked back at her. His gaze travelled up and down, and he smiled. "Nice outfit," he offered.

Lorelai frowned, then looked down. She was still half-dressed. "Oh, right," she said, cringing. "Oh, god. I have to get work. I'm already late."

"Go," he said. "I'll take care of this. I can lock up when I'm done."

"Thank you, Luke." Lorelai turned, bumping into a chair on the way out of the kitchen.

"Lorelai?"

"Yeah?"

"Put some clothes on before you leave."

"Oh, right! Can you see a - oh, never mind." Spotting her blue shirt on the ottoman in the corner, Lorelai shrugged into it, managing to button it correctly on the second try. Grabbing her bag, she glanced back at Luke quickly; he was already looking at the sink, and she left, closing the door behind her.

-

"So, I've been practising."

Rory looked up at Jess, surprised. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. I mean, nothing spectacular, but I figured if we're going to do this stupid magic show, we should probably have some actual tricks."

Rory laughed, a little nervously. "That would be a good idea," she agreed. "So, what have you got?"

They were in Luke's apartment, which Rory still felt a little weird about. After all, it was Luke's apartment. But Luke hadn't seemed to mind, when she'd come into the diner and he'd waved her upstairs, and she hadn't been able to think of a better place to practise. In the meantime, she resisted the urge - the voice which, in her head, sounded a lot like her mother - to wait until Jess went to the bathroom and look through Luke's stuff.

"Well," Jess said, and reached behind her, pulling a quarter from the crook of her elbow. He ran it across the fingers of his right hand, then opened his palm as the quarter disappeared. Rory smiled, and he held up a hand. Rory blinked as nothing happened, and finally shrugged her shoulders.

"Well?"

Jess smiled. "Check your pocket."

Frowning, Rory fished in the pocket of her jacket, and laughed as she drew out a quarter. "Wow," she said. "I'm impressed."

"Cool, huh?" Jess was barely smiling, but Rory thought he looked happy at the praise.

"Very," she agreed. "But I think we might need something a little ... bigger for the show. You know, flashier."

"Flashier?" he repeated, and shrugged. "I could cut you in half. Is that flashy enough?"

She bit her lip. "Do you know how to do that?"

"No," he admitted. "But I could give it a shot. I mean, what, what have we got to lose?"

Rory just looked at him, and he laughed. "Relax," he said. "We'll start off with something a little easier."

Jess stepped forward, and Rory stiffened as he reached out a hand towards her. He traced a line down the side of her neck, his fingers brushing against her shoulder and down to the top of her Chilton uniform. She was about to swat his hand away when he smirked, and pulled a red silk scarf from her shirt. He was still standing too close to her, and Rory stepped back, trying to regain her composure.

"So?" he asked.

"So?"

"The trick. What do you think?"

Rory attempted a smile. "Um, maybe we should rethink that whole cutting me in half thing," she said, her voice a little higher than usual. She glanced at her watch perfunctorily, barely reading it. "Oh, look at the time," she said quickly, and she knew that she sounded as nervous as she felt. "We should get downstairs. My mom's probably waiting."

"Yeah," Jess agreed, and Rory pretended that he didn't sound like he was trying not to laugh at her. "Downstairs."

-

"Kirk, you are not in charge here."

"Not in charge? Then what do you call the official Stars Hollow Talent Show Backstage Coordinator?"

"I call him the official Stars Hollow Talent Show Backstage Coordinator. Which, seeing as we are not currently backstage at the Stars Hollow Talent Show, means that you are not currently in charge."

"And what are you, Taylor?"

Lorelai entered the diner just as Taylor spun around, nearly bumping into her. She waited for an apology, but Taylor barely seemed to register her presence.

"This entire show was my idea," he told Miss Patty indignantly.

She sniffed. "Yes, and now the idea has been had, you're not exactly in charge either."

"What, and I suppose you are?"

"I'm in charge of the talent, Taylor. As far as I see it, that's the entire show."

Taylor guffawed, and Lorelai stepped back to avoid his arms as he gestured. Reluctantly turning away from the unfolding drama, she slid onto a seat at the counter, watching as Luke practically ran back and forth across the diner. Though less crowded than it had been two mornings ago, it was almost twice as loud, and Kirk, Taylor and Miss Patty weren't the only ones arguing. By the window, Gypsy was sniping at Andrew, and Babette seemed to be shouting across the diner to nobody in particular. As Luke came back behind the counter, Lorelai caught his eye, and they shared a sympathetic look before Cesar called out an order from the kitchen.

"Busy?" she asked him, as he rushed past.

He paused, plates in hand. "You have no idea," he said. "It's been like this all day. People fighting, people yelling. Hell, I had a couple of people in earlier who tried to practise their damn routines in here."

Lorelai smiled. "What were the routines?"

Luke shook his head. "You don't want to know."

Lorelai opened her mouth to speak again, but suddenly she heard Taylor's voice cut across the diner.

"Oh, Luke. We ordered those sandwiches over half an hour ago, and they're not going to get over here by themselves."

"Yeah," Kirk piped in. "And I wanted an orange juice, no pulp."

"And I still haven't got my coffee," Gypsy offered, and shrugged as Luke turned to glare at her.

"You know, Luke, the service in this place -"

"All right, that's it!" Luke put the plates he had been holding down on the counter, and Lorelai moved back a little. "I've had enough. Everyone participating in this stupid show, leave right now."

For a moment, there was silence, and Luke stared at the crowd expectantly. "Get out!" he yelled again, and a second later there was a scraping of chairs as people gt up, mumbling as they left the diner.

Lorelai caught Taylor's muttered "well, I never," and smiled for a second before she looked back at Luke. He had Angry Luke face on, and she got up quietly, moving towards the door as she followed everyone else out.

"Where are you going?"

She turned as Luke spoke again, the anger mostly gone from his voice. She gestured towards the door.

"I thought ..."

"No." Luke shook his head, and moved back behind the counter. "I didn't mean you. You can stay."

Lorelai smiled as she sat back down, and took the cup of coffee Luke slid across the counter to her a minute later.

"Sorry about that," he said as she drank. "It's just that ..."

"Oh, no." Lorelai waved his explanation away. "Don't worry about it. I've wanted to do that more than once at the inn, believe me."

Luke smiled, and she smiled back as she met his eyes. He leaned across the counter sightly, and she toyed with the handle of her mug as neither of them spoke for a second. Eventually, she dropped her gaze, and took another sip of her coffee.

"I like the shirt," he said quietly, and Lorelai frowned for a moment before she remembered that morning.

"Oh," she said, feeling herself beginning to blush. "Um, thanks. It's really nothing special. Just clothes. Can't leave home without them. Well, I mean, you can - and I almost did - but you shouldn't, really, unless you're at a nudist colony, which, really, in Connecticut? Not such a great idea. And ..." Lorelai paused for a minute, as the combined images of _Luke_ and _naked_ slid into her mind, and pushed them out again. When she looked up, he was staring at her with the expression she'd come to know well, and she laughed, picking up her mug. "Thank you," she said finally.

"You're welcome."

Her eyes fell on Luke's again, and Lorelai really wished her coffee cup wasn't empty. He looked like he was about to say something else, but as he opened his mouth to speak, they both turned at a noise on the stairs.

"Oh, hi," Rory said from the stairs. Lorelai frowned, and when Jess appeared behind Rory, her frowned deepened.

"Hi," she said coolly.

Luke was still leaning across the counter, and Lorelai hadn't realised how close he was until he stepped back. Jess smirked, and shook his head.

"I'm going out," he said, and turned to Rory. "We'll catch up later?"

"Um, yeah," Rory replied. "Sure." As Jess left, she moved to stand beside Lorelai, and looked around the diner. "Where is everyone?"

"Um -" Luke began, but Lorelai interrupted him.

"Slow day," she answered, and smiled as she caught Luke's gaze.

"Oh." Rory shrugged. "Okay."

Lorelai slid her mug across the counter, her smile widening as Luke frowned but refilled it anyway. "You want some coffee?" she asked Rory, who shook her head.

"I should probably get home. I didn't get to study yet, because I was rehearsing with Jess, and I really wanted to get started on my biology paper tonight."

Lorelai frowned. "I thought that wasn't due for another month."

"Your point?"

She rolled her eyes. "Fair enough. You go do that, and I'll see you at home in a bit, okay?"

Rory nodded. "Okay," she agreed, stealing a sip of Lorelai's coffee before she left.

Lorelai shook her head, then turned back to Luke. She suddenly missed the earlier noise of the diner; with just the two of them around, it seemed unnaturally quiet.

"So," Luke said, after a minute where Lorelai studiously looked into her coffee. "The talent show."

She looked up. "Yeah."

"I guess ... we're performing?"

"I guess so."

There was silence for another moment, and Lorelai almost laughed.

"We should probably decide what we're going to do," Luke said.

"Probably." She paused. "Do you have any ideas?"

"I guess ... we could maybe do a play."

"A play?"

"Yeah. You know, like a scene or something."

"A scene."

"Yeah."

"Really?"

Luke raised his eyebrows at Lorelai's tone. "All right, so not a play. What did you have in mind?"

Lorelai toyed with her coffee mug as she thought. Eventually, she shook her head, and looked back up at Luke with a sigh. "A play, huh?"

-

"So. Pizza?"

Rory looked at Lorelai. "We just had dinner."

Lorelai sighed. "We just had Friday night dinner. Which, in this case, was leftover salmon puffs from Emily's latest D.A.R. meeting."

"I liked the salmon puffs."

"Yeah, I liked the salmon puffs, too. Until your grandmother took them away and told us to eat our quail."

Rory made a face. "Yeah, the quail was ..."

"Gross? Vomit inducing?"

"It was okay."

"It was disgusting. And small. And then she wouldn't let us have dessert because we didn't finish our dinner."

Rory paused for a minute. "Okay," she said after a minute. "It was bad."

"The worst."

"At least you and grandma weren't fighting."

Lorelai shook her head as she sat down on the couch. "That's because we were barely speaking. There are only so many times I can ask luncheons and meetings I have absolutely no interest in before I run out of things to say to her."

She glanced over at Rory, who looked like she was having a hard time believing that Lorelai would run out of things to say, ever. "You could have told them about the talent show," she offered.

Lorelai raised her eyebrows. "The talent show?"

"Yeah. I mean, she asked you what was going on in your life."

"And you want me to tell her that I'm getting up on stage to make a complete fool of myself in front the entire town." _With Luke,_ her mind added treacherously. Like she needed to give her mother any more ammunition on that front.

Rory shrugged. "It would have been something to talk about."

"And I never would have heard the end of it. Besides, I didn't hear you volunteering to tell her that you were performing with Jess."

Rory bit her lip. "Well, we weren't talking about that." Lorelai watched as she picked up a takeout menu, idly flicking through it. "So, have you and Luke decided what you're doing yet?"

Lorelai shrugged. "Luke suggested a play."

Rory looked sceptical. "A play?"

"What?" Lorelai asked.

"Nothing." Rory shrugged, trying unsuccessfully to hide a smile. Lorelai thought about pressing the issue, but decided she probably didn't want to hear it. "What kind of play?"

"I don't know. We haven't really got that far yet."

Rory looked up, and her expression gave Lorelai a minute's pause. "You could do a love scene."

"What?" Lorelai stared at her daughter for a moment, trying to decide whether she was kidding. "We're not doing a love scene."

"Why not?" Rory smiled. "Luke might want to."

Lorelai frowned, and took the menu from Rory. "We should order dinner."


	3. Act Three: Dress Rehearsal

"It's a madhouse."

"A madhouse?"

"A madhouse," Rory confirmed, and looked around them.

Lorelai, bracing herself, did the same. Stars Hollow wasn't exactly sane at the best of times, and this ... was not them. Just from the chaos around them, she could count two bruised egos, one black eye (Andrew's - Gypsy, it seemed, had a mean left hook, though he was loudly blaming a doorknob), and, oh, an entire population gone completely crazy.

Except her and Rory, of course.

"So -"

"Are those bongo drums?" Rory interrupted, and Lorelai glanced over. Through the window to Doose's market, she could see Taylor banging on something that -

"Yep," she confirmed. "Those are bongo drums."

"He does know people can see him, right?"

"And hear him," Lorelai said, wincing.

Rory shuddered, and Lorelai slid an arm around her shoulders protectively, steering her away from the market. No seventeen-year-old should have to bear witness to that.

The other side of the square wasn't much better. Miss Patty, as always, had left the door to her studio open, and was yelling instructions at a group of girls dressed as what Lorelai could only assume were radishes. In the middle of the square, Kirk's hands were pressed up against an imaginary wall, and the illusion shattered as someone hurled an epithet at him from across the street.

"It's not mime!" Kirk yelled back, and turned to see Lorelai and Rory. Lorelai - barely - resisted the urge to hide behind her daughter. "It's interpretive theatre," he explained mournfully, and Lorelai nodded, keeping her expression carefully neutral.

"Of course it is," she said, and dragged Rory away before she could be pulled even further into the conversation.

"Wow," Rory said, and Lorelai let out a breath.

"Yeah," she agreed. "So, anyway, I was thinking -"

"Lorelai!"

Lorelai stopped as she heard Babette's voice from the next corner, and, after a cursory glance to make sure Babette wasn't in the middle of rehearsing anything, waited for her to catch up.

"Hey, Babette," she said, and Babette waved as she leaned over, trying to catch her breath.

"Hey, Lorelai," she said after a minute. "Rory. Hey, I heard you're doing something with that Jess."

"Yes," Rory said, looking to Lorelai for help. Lorelai ignored the wide, panicked stare; she wasn't any happier about Rory performing with Jess than Babette was. "Jess and I are performing together."

"Well, you just make sure he keeps his hands to himself. Guys like him, boy, have I met a few - and Lorelai! Miss Patty tells me you and Luke are hooking up, too."

"Well, I wouldn't say we're hooking up," Lorelai said. She glanced at Rory, who was looking studiously elsewhere. Touché. "But, yes, we are going to be in the talent show."

"Just the two of you, eh?," Babette asked. "Well, you know what they say about -"

"Hey, what about you?" Lorelai interrupted frantically. "Are you going to be in the show?"

"Oh, yeah," Babette said, thankfully switching topics. "I'm accompanying Morey on the piano. You know, he plays, I sing. I thought I'd add a little something for the fellas, too."

"Well," Lorelai said, trying hard not to picture Babette's 'little something.' "Isn't that nice. You know -"

"I'd love to catch up later, sugar," Babette interrupted her, "but I really got to get going. I only came out to get some things from the market, then I've got to get right back to practising. Morey's waiting, and all."

"Aw, shoot," Lorelai said, hoping she didn't sound too relieved. "Well, later, then."

"Yeah," Babette agreed. "And tell Luke hi for me, if you know what I mean."

"I'm sure I don't," Lorelai said quietly as Babette left, and let out a breath. "Well," she said, turning to Rory, "that was ..."

"Yeah," Rory said. "Anyway, what were you saying?"

"What was I saying about what?"

"I don't know. You were saying something about, you were thinking ..."

"Oh, yeah," Lorelai said, suddenly remembering her train of thought. "I was trying to think about plays I could do with Luke, and I thought maybe you could help me. You know, since you're so brainy and all."

"I am brainy," Rory agreed. "So what kind of play did you want to do?"

"I don't know," she said. "That's where you come in."

"Well, that's not really very helpful."

"I wasn't trying to be."

"Of course you weren't." Rory rolled her eyes. "Well, what about Shakespeare?"

"Shakespeare?"

"Yeah, you know. Dead guy, lots of plays ..."

"No, I mean, _Shakespeare_?"

"What do you have against Shakespeare?" Rory looked personally offended by the remark, and Lorelai patted her arm.

"I have nothing against Shakespeare. It's just, isn't his stuff a little heavy for a Stars Hollow talent show?"

"Actually," Rory said, brightening, "that's a common misconception. Shakespeare's plays were really intended for public consumption by all types of people, not just -"

"Yeah, okay," Lorelai said. She could see how this could go on for a while if she allowed Rory to keep going, and she really needed coffee. "He's a common man, Joe six pack kind of guy. Got it."

"And I'm not suggesting you put on Henry the Sixth or Richard the Third -"

"No plays with numbers in them, got it."

"But you could do one of the comedies, maybe."

"Uh huh," Lorelai said. "I'm still going to need a little more help."

"Well -"

"Rory!"

Lane's voice rang out from behind them, and Lorelai and Rory turned almost in unison.

"Lane," Rory said, rushing forward to meet her. "What's up?"

"You will never believe this," Lane said, grabbing hold of Rory. "My mom is making me participate in the talent show."

"Mrs Kim is making you participate?" Rory asked.

Lane nodded.

"In the talent show," Lorelai continued sceptically. "Where people are on stage, performing ..."

"Yes," Lane said, and there was a note of hysteria in her voice. "She said it would be a good opportunity for me to learn a new skill. I think she's planning on inviting every single Korean male under the age of twenty she knows, to show how well-rounded I am or something."

"Well," Rory said, "That doesn't sound so bad."

"She's making me play the tambourine," Lane explained. "The Christian tambourine."

Rory looked confused. "How do you play a Christian tambourine?"

Lane threw her hands up in the air in a gesture of exasperation. "I don't know! Mrs Kim knows! Mrs Kim knows everything."

"Does the tambourine have to be Christian?" Lorelai wondered aloud. "Like, is there some sot of tambourine christening ceremony that has to be performed before -"

Lane glared at her, and she broke off.

"Okay," she said. "Just wondering."

"I don't know," Lane said again, looking apologetic. "I don't know anything, but she's making me go up there, and Rory, I swear, if I have to do this, I can never show my face at Stars Hollow High again. Maybe not even in Woodbridge."

"Okay," Rory said, and glanced at Lorelai. "Is it okay if I -"

"Go," Lorelai assured her. "You're clearly needed."

"Okay," Rory said, turning back to Lane. "Come on. I'm sure we can figure something out."

"Wait," Lorelai called as they started to leave. "What about my play?"

"What about it?" Rory asked.

"What am I going to do?"

"Well ..." Rory appeared to think for a minute. "What about - no, too dry. Or there's - but that doesn't really have a good two-person scene - or -"

"Kid, come on," Lorelai said. "The talent show's going to be over before you decide on something."

Rory gave her a reproachful look. "I'm trying to help you, you know."

Lorelai tried to look contrite. "I know."

"Good." Rory paused again, and then her face lit up. "I know! As You like it."

"As You Like It?"

"As You Like It," Rory confirmed. "Trust me. There's a great scene in it that I think will be perfect, and there's a copy of the play in my room if you need one."

Lorelai raised an eyebrow.

"Of course you need one. Well, then, it's under my bed, and it's a big old book with all of his plays in it, you can't miss it. Now I've really got to go and -"

"Go," Lorelai urged her. "Help Lane. Avert the major high school popularity crisis. I'll be at Luke's."

-

"Looks like you revised your policy about talent show participants."

Luke looked confused for a moment, and then nodded. "Yeah. I figured if I banned everyone in the show, I'd end up going out of business."

"That would be bad," Lorelai agreed, taking a seat at the counter.

"Doesn't mean I'm happy about it."

"Of course not." She reached over the counter to liberate a chocolate-covered doughnut from the display case, and Luke looked at her sharply.

"Are you okay there?" he asked.

"Fine," she said, studying the doughnut. Maybe she wanted one with sprinkles. "Coffee, please?"

"What, you mean you're not going to just help yourself?"

"You get mad when I go behind the counter."

"Yes, I do." He looked meaningfully at the doughnut.

"This wasn't behind the counter," she pointed out. Still, it might be best if she didn't try to exchange it.

He shook his head, but poured her a cup of coffee anyway, and she beamed at him.

"Oh," she said, waving at Luke as his attention was caught by something on the other side of the diner. "About the play, I was thinking -"

"Luke," someone called out behind her, and Lorelai rolled her eyes. Was it too much to ask to have the man's undivided attention?

"Just a sec," Luke said, and moved past her, order pad in hand.

Lorelai sighed, and looked down at at her doughnut. To dunk or not to dunk? Maybe she would be better off with sprinkles, after all. Or a danish. She should probably ask Luke.

"You were saying?" he asked a minute later, and she glanced up.

"Do you have any danishes?"

"What?"

"Danishes," she repeated. "I'm just not really sure if I'm in a doughnut kind of mood."

Luke looked at her for a moment, as if he wasn't quite sure if she was serious.

"What?" she asked. "Everybody always says breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

"No danishes," he said. "And I think they mean you should occasionally have fruit or cereal or, you know, something actually resembling real food."

She snorted, and bit indelicately into her doughnut. "So, about -"

"I wanted blueberry pancakes," someone else called, and for a moment, Lorelai thought Luke was going to throw everybody out again. Then he turned around, and she shrugged into her coffee.

"The play," Luke said when he returned a few minutes later, and she looked at him blankly. He returned the stare. "You were saying earlier, about the play?"

"Oh, right," she said. She hadn't finished her coffee yet; her brain wasn't exactly firing on all cylinders. "I was talking to Rory earlier, and she suggested -"

"Luke," Kirk said, coming up beside her, and Lorelai nearly threw her hands up in frustration. "Do you have anything white I could use to paint my face? Preferably something non-toxic." He glanced at Lorelai, and frowned. "It's not a mime."

"I never said it was," she agreed.

Her coffee and doughnut were both finished by the time Luke came back again, and he leaned against the counter, looking exhausted. She contemplated asking for a refill, but reconsidered when she caught his look.

"You know," she said, "this would be a lot easier to talk about somewhere else."

"I'm working," he said.

"Yes, I can see that. I'm just saying, maybe if you weren't working, we could -"

She was interrupted by a loud crash from upstairs, and Luke looked over at her.

"Yeah," he said. "And where am I going to find -"

There was a second crash, and she raised her eyebrows questioningly.

"Jess," he explained. "He's practising for the talent show, doing God knows what."

Lorelai nodded. "It's nice that he's participating," she said finally.

"Yeah." Luke was almost smiling, which was quite a feat given the chaos in the diner. "It really is."

They looked at each other at the same time, and Luke strode over to the stairs.

"Jess!" he called, and there was a pause, then an answering call from the apartment. "Get down here!"

Jess emerged sullenly from upstairs a minute later, and Luke turned back to Lorelai.

"So," she said. "My place?"

-

"I'm never leaving my house again," Lorelai said, slamming the door shut behind her for dramatic impact. Luke's expression wavered somewhere between amusement and sheer terror, and for a moment, she seriously considered locking the front door.

"Did I really see Taylor with the -"

"Yep," she said. "Rory and I saw him on our way in. What about -"

"With the -"

"Unbelievable. And Miss Patty?"

"Yeah," he scoffed, but he sounded slightly uncomfortable. "Asking us all that stuff about romantic scenes -"

"And offering to practice with you if I somehow fell sick," Lorelai added, and Luke paled. "Do you really think Andrew's going to get a restraining order against Gypsy?"

"Only if it doesn't interfere with the show," he said. "Otherwise I think Taylor would kill them both."

"Well, I don't see how it could possibly interfere with them being on stage together." She shared an amused look with Luke, and stepped away from the door. "Anyway, I'd better look for Rory's copy of the play. She suggested As You Like It, but if you had something else in mind -"

"That sounds fine," he said, raising his voice slightly as she ducked into Rory's room. It took her a minute to find the book, and when she came out, Luke was holding up a pale blue slip. "This yours?" he asked, smirking.

"Rory's," she said, He dropped the slip as if it had suddenly caught fire, and she had to try to to laugh. "So, shall we?"

"We shall," he said, and gestured awkwardly towards the couch. She sat down, hiding a smile.

A few minutes passed as she flipped through the pages of the book, idly skimming over the play for a decent two-person scene. One of Luke's hands was stretched out over the back of the couch, tapping an uneven beat, and she tried not to let it distract her. Finally, she smiled, and looked up, handing the book over to Luke.

"What am I supposed to be looking at?" he asked a second later.

"Our scene."

"This is it?"

"This is it."

"And what exactly is it?"

Lorelai sighed, and reached for the book again. "This - you - is Orlando, who's in love with Rosalind. And Rosalind is in love with Orlando."

"That doesn't sound very dramatic."

"Aha!" she said. "But he doesn't know that Rosalind is Rosalind."

"How could he not know that she's her?"

"Because," Lorelai said, "she's in disguise."

"Disguised as what?"

"Ganymede."

"What's a Ganymede?"

"He's a boy."

Luke frowned a little. "Why is she dressed like a boy?"

Lorelai waved a hand. "I forget that part. Anyway, the important thing is, he's in love with Rosalind, and she's in love with him, only she can't tell him she's her, so instead, she pretends to be a guy, and gets him to pretend she's really her, even though he thinks she isn't her, so he can practice telling her how in love with her he is, even though he's actually telling her, but he doesn't know it."

Luke stared at her for a moment, blankly. "Huh?"

Lorelai sighed. "Never mind. You're Orlando, and I'm Rosalind, and I'm dressed up like a boy, and you're telling me how much you love me."

"While you're dressed like a boy?"

"Yep."

"And this is Shakespeare?"

Lorelai shrugged. "Says so on the book."

"Okay." Luke was silent for a minute, and then held up a hand. "How come you know all of this, anyway? You barely glanced at that thing."

"HBO," she answered. "Kenneth Branagh did a film version."

"Of course."

"We were trying to watch all the Branaghs - Rory's idea, of course - but I fell asleep somewhere through one of boring ones. I remember this one, though. It had ninjas."

Luke looked sceptical. "The play has ninjas?"

"Nope. Only the film."

"Really."

"And sumo wrestlers."

"Okay, now you're just messing with me."

"Swear to God. Okay, one sumo wrestler, but come on. How can you not love a movie with ninjas _and_ sumo wrestlers?"

"I have no idea," he said dryly.

"So," she said, ignoring his lack of enthusiasm. "Do you want to get started?"

He shrugged. "Whatever you like."

"Unless you want to do the bit with the ninjas instead."

Luke held her gaze steadily. "No ninjas."

"Fine," she said, pouting. "No ninjas."

-

"This really isn't working."

"You're telling me." Lane's voice was muffled from inside the closet, and Rory sighed.

"Not this. I mean ... this. You being in the closet, and me having to talk to you from out here."

There was a pause, and the closet door creaked open. "Do you want to come in?" Lane asked. "We could probably fit, if we squished a little."

"No," Rory said, and pulled the door open the rest of the way. "I want you to come out."

"If I come out there, I'll be in the same room as the tambourine."

"I know."

"If I'm in the same room as the tambourine, I'll have to look at the tambourine, and if I look at the tambourine, that means I'm acknowledging its existence. And if I acknowledge its existence, that's as good as giving up."

"You're not giving up."

"I can't let my mother win." Lane's voice was high, laced with a note of hysteria, and Rory cringed.

"Well, why don't we think about this?" she asked. "While we're both outside the closet."

"Fine," Lane said, and Rory helped her up, shutting the closet door behind her just in case.

"So," she said.

"So," Lane echoed.

"What would you want to do?"

"Huh?"

"If you could choose your own talent. What would you want to do for the show?"

"Oh." Lane looked thoughtful for a minute. "I don't know."

"Oh."

"Is nothing an option?"

"Nothing is probably an option."

"Because I'd rather do nothing than play the tambourine. Unaccompanied. Playing only church-approved, Mrs Kim-approved songs."

"Fair enough," Rory said. She chewed her lip for a moment. "You could try to convince your mom that talent shows are the work of the devil."

"Always an option," Lane agreed. "I bet if I showed her Kirk's mime, she'd probably let me pull my act."

"Probably," Rory said. "But don't call it a mime in front of Kirk. He's kind of sensitive about that."

"Noted."

There was more silence as Lane played with her hair nervously, and Rory glanced towards the door. "I should probably ... it's just that I promised Jess I'd practise our act with him this morning."

"You're going to the diner?"

"That's the plan."

"Can I come?" Lane looked suddenly hopeful. "Please, you have got to get me out of this house and away from that tambourine."

"It's probably going to be pretty boring."

"More boring than this?"

"Good point." Rory laughed nervously, though she had no idea what was making her hesitate; sure, Lane didn't particularly like Jess, but it had been Lane's idea. Besides, it wasn't like she wanted to be alone with Jess.

In fact, this was probably a great idea.

"Sure," she said, more firmly. "Come on. Let's go."

-

Rory expected the diner to be busy when they got there, but only a couple of tables were occupied, the rest sitting neglected with empty plates still piled up. She glanced around, searching for Luke, but instead she saw Jess, looking bored as he leaned against the counter.

"Wow," she said, sitting down at one of the cleaner tables. Jess approached them as Lane sat down across from her, and she looked up at him. "Where did everybody go?"

He shrugged. "Beats me. You want some coffee?"

"Yes, please," she said. Lane shook her head.

Jess returned a minute later, and glanced sullenly at the people nearest them as he filled her cup. "You about done there?" he asked them abruptly.

Rory shrugged at Lane as the people left, but a quick look at Jess told her he probably didn't want any tips about providing good customer service. He shoved the meagre tip into his pocket, but made no move to clear the table.

"So," he said. "You ready to practise?"

"Um," she said, gesturing towards the couple at the last occupied table. "What about -"

"Hey," Jess said, moving towards them. "We're closing. Get out."

"He has a bright future ahead of him," Lane whispered. Rory smiled, but raised the cup to her lips to hide it as Jess came back.

"Problem solved," he said.

She nodded, and stood up, finishing her coffee. "Okay. Um, do you want to practise the bit with the ribbons?"

"What's the bit with the ribbons?" Lane asked, leaning forward.

Rory glanced back at her. "You'll see."

She turned back around, and Jess took her hand, drawing it up level with her shoulder. His movements were faster than she was used to, almost perfunctory, and she wondered if it had anything to do with their audience.

Lane clapped as he drew the ribbon out from her collar, presenting it with a flourish. "So how does it work?" she asked.

Jess shrugged. "Trade secret."

"Gotcha," she said. She smiled at Rory, but Rory couldn't quite match her expression; as glad as she thought she'd be for the third party presence, having Lane there was making her a little uncomfortable.

When Rory turned back to Jess, he was waving the ribbon over his arm, and she watched as he pulled an apple out from behind it.

"I thought we could use a bird or something instead, for the show," he said. "What do you think?"

"Um," she said. "Maybe we'd better stick to apples, for now. I'm not a big fan of birds."

"Noted," he said, and smiled in a way that was only partly mocking.

"So how do you do that one?" Lane asked behind her, and Rory almost jumped as she turned around. "No, wait, never mind. Trade secret, I know."

"Yeah," Rory said, and glanced at Jess. "Hey, Lane, when does your mom get home?"

"Soon," Lane said, looking unconcerned.

Rory bit her lip. "Won't she expect you to be practising when she gets there?"

Lane made a face, but stood up slowly. "Damn it. Fine, I'll look at the stupid tambourine. But I am not playing in the show."

"Fair enough," Rory said.

"The work of the devil?" Lane asked, as she moved towards the door.

"The work of the devil," Rory confirmed, and shared a smile with Lane as she left.

There was silence for a minute after the door closed behind Lane, and then Jess cleared his throat.

"So," he said. "You want to go upstairs?"

"What about the diner?" she asked.

He shrugged. "Cesar can handle it."

She nodded, and followed him up to Luke's apartment. It was getting less awkward being there, but she still felt a little weird about it, like she was doing something she shouldn't. She glanced at Jess, and tried really hard to push the feeling away.

"So," he said. "I've been working on that trick."

"What trick?" she asked, frowning in confusion.

"You know, the cutting you in half thing."

She laughed, and stopped shot when Jess didn't laugh with her. "Wait, you're serious?"

"Sure," he said, and gestured behind him. What looked like a half-finished torture chamber sat over by the bed.

"What, that thing?" she asked, taking a wary step back from it.

He smirked. "It's safer than it looks."

"It looks like it's going to kill me."

"It isn't."

"How can you be sure?" she asked, feeling the anxiety twist in the pit of her stomach. "Have you tested it? Did you get someone who knows about these things to come help you? I mean, I'm no expert, but it really seems like the kind of thing you shouldn't just try at home, you know? That's why they have all those warnings on TV shows and commercials, the ones that say 'don't try this at home.' What if I get in there and -"

"Rory," Jess said, taking a step towards her. "Relax. Yes, I had help. Yes, I know what I'm doing."

"I still don't think -"

"Do you trust me?" he asked, and she looked at him. His voice had gone kind of quiet, like he was asking her a real question, and not just about the magic show.

She swallowed.

"Do you trust me?" he repeated, and stepped forward again.

"Yes," she said, and glanced away. "Jess, I trust you -"

She didn't see the kiss coming. It caught her off guard, her mouth still partway open, and she froze, feeling Jess' hand settle low on her hip. A moment later, once her brain had caught up with what was happening, she stepped back, and pushed him away.

"I have to go," she said, not trusting herself to meet his eyes. "I - I have to go. I'll see you later, or something."

She was still breathing heavily as she shut the apartment door behind her, and she practically ran down the stairs before Jess could come after her.

-

"I feel stupid."

"Yeah, well, it's not going to get any less stupid, so suck it up."

"How am I supposed to take this guy seriously?" Luke asked, setting aside the book. "I mean, this is the girl he supposedly loves, and he can't tell it's her when he's standing two feet away from her?"

"You're supposed to suspend your disbelief," Lorelai said. "Besides, maybe she was ugly."

"Then why the hell was he in love with her?"

She shrugged. "Come on, maybe you'll feel less stupid in costume."

"We have to wear costumes?" he asked.

She smiled, picking up her measuring tape. "Stupid ones. Now raise your arms."

He looked hesitant, but he did so, and she wrapped the measuring tape around his waist. She could feel him stiffen under her touch, and when she looked up, her face was only inches from his.

A moment later, the door opened behind them, and she stepped back hurriedly as Rory came into the living room.

"Oh my god," Rory said. her face was flushed, and she was shaking. "Oh my god."

"Hey," Lorelai said, moving towards her. "You're home early. Is everything okay?"

Rory looked like she barely heard the question. "You'll never believe what just happened. It just - oh my god."

"Slow down," Lorelai said. "What's going on?"

Rory looked at her. "The stage collapsed."

Behind her, Lorelai could hear Luke step forward; she'd almost forgotten he was there.

"What do you mean the stage collapsed?" he asked.

"I mean, it collapsed," Rory said. "A whole part of it just fell down."

"Oh my god," Lorelai said. "Is everyone all right?"

Rory waved a hand. "Yeah, everyone's fine. Except Kirk. I think he's trapped. But he's yelling pretty loudly, so I think he's okay."

Luke was already moving towards the door, and Lorelai followed him. "Where are you going?" she asked.

"I'm going to see if they need help."

"Oh," she said. "Good idea."

She followed him out, and he turned to look at her.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"I'm going with you," she said.

"You're going to help repair the stage?"

"Of course not," she said, waving a hand.

Luke was still looking at her, evidently waiting for an explanation.

"Come on," she said. "A whole stage just collapsed on top of Kirk."

"And?"

"And there's no way I'm missing it," she said. "Now, come on. Hurry!"


End file.
